My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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