You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
