I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this boner is exhausting
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
