Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
