so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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