South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
God, you're like boner-b-gone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
