I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
