i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
