look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
