The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
