No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
