my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
