i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
