i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
