my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize