Im at strip club and am horny
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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