that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
