My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
