well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize