well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
