Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
