If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
