"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
