That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
