he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
