Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
