There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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