Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am naked and annoyed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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