you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize