You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
