dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
