I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
