I just cut my nipple shaving
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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