you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
