Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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