i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
