We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
