He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's always time for handjobs
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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