Im at strip club and am horny
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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