using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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