I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
