Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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