My friends, they love my intelligence
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
