so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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