you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
