And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
