And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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