I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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