I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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