She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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