nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
