then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have already put on my inside pants.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize