So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
