You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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