i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
