Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
