Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
