Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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