no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
