You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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