Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Actions speak louder than pants.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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