so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
