Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
