She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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