Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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